where do i stand

I am very confused, and somewhat troubled now. i wish there were somebody i could talk to about all this but as it is, there really isn't anybody i feel who can give me a real answer. there're a bunch of people who i could chat about it with. but just nothing that would be conclusive.

so im writing here. because writing here is in a way talking to myself. and while the thought of me going crazy talking to myself just crossed my mind, i think perhaps a self reflective approach is more appropriate.

did i get left behind as my fellow peers rode the tide that is growing up?

or am i just the only one with my head above the water.

my friends seem very casual about relationships, sex, the whole nine yards. are they really? or is it just 'guy talk' ? honesty is one thing, sometimes i just feel its almost a show of bravado. when did it ever get to this stage?

and why didn't i get to it.

it used to be that i thought i was the right one. correct answers, thinking values, all that.

how now cow?